What a girl wants

What a girl wants

I love the music group The Lonely Island. The trio is formed by Akiva Schaffer , Andy Samberg  and Jorma Taccone . Their music is a mixture of hip-hop, rap and humor. Their songs, for example, poke fun at stereotypes of hip-hop or popular culture in addition to male sexual dysfunctions.

In 2011, The Lonely Island released their second album, “Turtleneck & Chain” and the song “I Just Had Sex” with Akon, an American R&B singer, was the first song to be released from their album.

At first listen, the song is funny. Two men share their experience of making love for possibly the first time. They discuss that it was very, very brief and that although it was their first time as well, it surely won’t be the most memorable time for their respective partners (“the best thirty seconds of my life”) . Watching the music video, starring Jessica Alba and Blake Lively, it all becomes even more evident.

However, after a second or third listening, we realize that there is a big emphasis on the consent of women to have sex with them. For example (excerpts are bolded for clarity):

“A girl let me do it , it just happened”

“A woman let me put my penis in her”

“To be honest, I’m surprised she wanted to  “

“I am moved by the ability of a girl to leave me (…)”

Anyway, this song isn’t just a humorous song, it’s about consent and unlike a lot of rap songs, the woman’s consent determines everything. A woman’s consent is put forward, rather than men’s satisfaction or pride in having had sex. Although they are aware that this was not the best experience for the woman (“she kept looking at her watch”, “she put a bag on my head”), they are grateful that they wanted to have a sexual relationship with them.

But what is consent? The Canadian Criminal Code defines it as follows: “Consent consists, for the purposes of this section, of the complainant’s voluntary consent to sexual activity. ”(Section 273.1 (1)). According to section 273.1 (2) of the Code, the following are the situations where there is a lack of consent:

“For the purposes of subsection (1), there is no consent of the complainant in the following circumstances:

  • (a) the agreement is manifested by the words or behavior of a third party;
  • 1) he is unconscious;
  • (b) he is unable to train him for any reason other than that referred to in paragraph (a.1);
  • (c) the accused incites him to activity out of breach of trust or power;
  • d) he shows, by his words or his behavior, the lack of agreement to the activity;
  • e) after having consented to the activity, he shows, by his words or his behavior, the lack of agreement to the continuation of this one. “

So, it is possible to conclude that there is no consent when:

  1. Someone else consents for you,
  2. You are unable to give your consent (for example, you are unconscious),
  3. The abuser has a position of power, authority or trust over you (a teacher or boss, for example),
  4. You do not consent, by word or deed, to sexual activity; no means no, whether you said or acted as such,
  5. Vous avez donné votre consentement, par mots ou par actions, pour participer aux activités sexuelles, mais vous avez par la suite exprimé, par mots ou par actions, que vous ne consentez plus à ces activités sexuelles ; vous pouvez toujours changer d’idée et dire non à n’importe quel moment.

Consent is everything when having sex, but it’s not always easy to notice. It’s not as easy as “your lips say no, but your body says yes”. Everyone should know that they have the right to speak up if they are afraid, confused or do not want to continue. Since communication is the key to success, it’s important to ask your partner how they feel (do they want to quit or continue) if you feel in doubt. If they want to quit, respect that choice. Expressing consent does not guarantee a wonderful experience, but it does demonstrate respect between partners.

Written By: Taylor T. 

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